no. 12

guys i'm bored: send help

So, it’s been a while (apologies); life’s been busy and filled with absolute nonsense.

How is it that it feels like so much has happened and nothing at all? Ever since my assignments have been submitted, and jobs have been had, life feels so weird. Everything feels so fast-paced. It feels so crowded. It feels so chaotic. But why is it also a fact that I feel so at peace? There’s a sense of calm in the air—a sense of relaxation.

It’s no secret that London is the place for hustle and bustle. There’s no other place like it. As someone who has grown up in London (for the most part), I sometimes envy people who get to experience it for the first time. What their perceptions are versus reality. Is it another version of Paris syndrome? Anyways, that is besides the point. London is busy.

I have to make my unfortunate commute during rush hour, something which makes me rethink every life decision. And it’s in that moment that you can see people’s urgency and patience. Sometimes there’s a bit too much patience for me. And a bit too much urgency. But regardless of that, the nature of routine does so much for us. It’s like a ritual. My fifteen-minute walk to the station is the same every day. Get ready. Leave the house. Call my mum. And walk. Although I would say the worst part of my day is the commute, there is a sense of comfort in the fact that it’s something I do every day. Twice. Maybe see the same commuters. Maybe rethink the same situation for the hundredth time. Maybe think about making the same thing for dinner. Even the thought of comfort shows and movies. Either Friends, Big Bang Theory, Sex and the City, or Modern Family, they all play in the background of my life. I simply cannot function without watching a sitcom on the side. The peace it brings me. I don’t even need to pay attention to it. Just to have it on.

Do other people have the same thing? Do they also question their choices whilst doing so? It is the perfect pondering time.  But it is weird. Even at work, it feels like so much is happening, yet at the same time, nothing. Perhaps it’s the curse of being an intern.

But going back to life. Back to reality. Every week, I pretty much do the same thing, and I am honestly bored. It’s gotten so bad that I have started going back to university so I can get out of the house and work remotely from there. Who does that? It’s the feeling of always wanting to do something. To occupy myself. To distract myself. But why?

Nothing comes to mind.

You would think my going out means I do a lot of different things. I have exhibitions and films I want to see, and places I want to go to, but for some reason, I haven’t done any of them. Even writing this blog, for example. I’ve been meaning to do it for about three months now, and it's taken till now to do it. So, I can’t say for certain I know what’s going on. Does anyone else have that? It feels as though I’m stuck somewhere, and I don’t know how to get out, but still managing to go everywhere. A million miles an hour. I feel like I need to change something in addition to keeping everything the same. Maybe it’s me getting older and my frontal lobe developing. Just a theory.

There’s not much more to say, but maybe I need to embrace the chaos? Or remember it’s okay to not do anything as well – I am not really sure. This might have been a cry for help, but more so because I can’t think of what else to say.

By Natasha Joshi