no. 2

Me, Myself, and I: I love it.

Fashion is all about self-expression, so how can you have a personal sense of style if you don’t know what you truly like? We are all a product of our environment; we can’t not be influenced by anything. Being alone can help you understand your genuine thoughts on something, whether it is fashion, a situation with friends, or just about what to have for dinner. In terms of fashion, nowadays, it isn’t what style of top I like; it is what’s trending. Although trends have always been around in fashion, it seems to be much more prevalent today. Is it about what you like or what you have been “told” to like?

Since I was a child, I have spent a lot of time by myself. I have always felt sort of alone. Not in a bad way. I enjoyed it.

I suppose that being an only child contributed to that quite a lot. Although I was close with my family, I have always been happy with my own company, and more often than not, I preferred it. Even with friends, I liked spending time with them, but I had joy in being alone. Today, as an almost twenty-year-old, I spend time by myself. Just before writing this, I went to an exhibition and walked home. I find it hard to understand it when people do not enjoy their own company.

Something I have recently started doing is going on random walks. Since moving out, I don’t walk the dog anymore and miss the hour in the park; living so close to the river, I like to take any one of my errands and turn it into an unnecessarily long journey. The other day, I needed blutack, so instead of buying it from Amazon or the local corner shop, I went on a two-hour walk to London Bridge, then Tower Bridge, and then came back home. A good portion of this was stood on London Bridge. Just standing. Just looking at the water. I can’t really explain why I like it. Or why I like to just go and stand and observe. It is quite fun though. Just standing. Thinking.

However, then comes the internal monologue:

Do I have too many thoughts? Do I think about and fixate on things for no reason? Do other people have the same experience? Does my hair look okay? Is what I’m wearing too much? Or too basic? Do I walk weirdly? Is that reflection really what I look like right now? This is me spiralling. My downfall.

Back to the point.

Is it that odd to spend time with yourself so much? For someone who has had that experience their whole life, of course not. But when I tell people about my walks with myself for absolutely no reason, I occasionally get a confused (slightly pitied) look. I do not get it. It is so fun. Are people not used to this?

I think being alone is good. It allows you to form your own opinions on anything. Of course, this can go the other way, and someone could have a bit too many opinions. However, I think it mostly goes in the positive direction. Today so much is thrown at us in terms of information and media, it becomes difficult to form your own thoughts and feelings about something.

Being alone has made me independent. Maybe too independent. Why would I go to the trouble of asking someone else when I could just do it myself? But is that a bad thing? When it comes to actively doing things, I feel like it is good. Or maybe I have just convinced myself it is.

Solitude is one of the things that people just have to get comfortable with. I think some of the best thoughts that I have, in general, have been when I am by myself. I think my head is clear. There’s no trying to impress anyone. There’s no excuses. There’s just honesty because you’re in your own mind. It’s nice to not have to keep up with yourself. When I am with people, most people, it’s the constant overthinking. Have I said anything weird, or made an expression I didn’t mean to do? It’s too much.

Hence, my walks. Some good music and a nice view, usually along the river. It is quite relaxing. You just walk and think about life. Would highly recommend it.

By Natasha Joshi